Monday, May 11, 2015

Tough Times and a Thank You

This is a personal update and a thank you to my tweeple and other contacts I interacted with during this tough time. I've just had 2 of the worst weeks of my life. The ending is happy, so fear not and read on. Two weeks ago, we got a letter saying my mom's regular breast check up (every 2 years for every woman her age) revealed something. I had no idea what, the size, the place. It was the worst week and I was a mess. I even had a little panic attack when we got the letter.

We then went for an ultrasound after a week. It was a 1.5 cm lump with clear borders, but it was not fluid, so they took a sample. My mom's age makes her a high risk person for cancer, so we were very worried. Today I found out it is benign. It is however a rare (1% of all breast lumps) and fast-growing tumor called phyllodes tumor. So even if benign and tiny (we caught it ridiculously early), it needs to go, not only because it grows fast, but because it can come back as malignant if not well removed. We will get surgery and spank that naughty thing away.

I just want to thank you all for keeping me occupied, for chatting with me as always and just keeping me going with the things we all love and chat about together. I am sorry I did not say anything, but I become weak when people show support. I want to lean on others, but I am afraid of being weak. Afraid of breaking or not being able to do what must be done. After all, we are born alone and die alone and some things we need to be able to handle solo. And I could not become weak right now. My mom needed me. Even if you did not know, just being there, as you always are, meant the world to me. And now that I know it is not cancer, I can afford to be a tiiiiny bit weak for a moment while I write this. We are good, my mother is good (she calls herself a rare creature and is kind of enjoying the absurdity right now, the womanly unicorn) and we will handle this quickly and efficiently.

So if I was a bit edgy or complained a lot or even got bitchy sometimes lately (or will be until we take care of this), please be understanding and I apologize beforehand. Also, curse you 'Super Daddy Yeol' for being the drama I had to watch and review while this was going on. Though I am also a bit proud I managed to remain professional and focused to accomplish that.

I leave you with a passage from a Greek author called Alkyoni Papadaki, which my cousin posted recently on Facebook and which made me feel I should thank you all for being in my life and remind you to keep those loved ones close and enjoy your time with them.

And so the time comes when our circumstances force us to assess our life up to that point. For everyone. Those who came by. Friends. Enemies. Acquaintances. Passersby. The hypocrites who used us. The random ones who wanted a good time. The curious ones. Even those who could not find anything interesting in their own lives and chose to stroll into ours in hopes of giving their own meaning. Few are those who will ultimately stay with you. Who will handle you. Who will care for you. Who will truly love you. Time is the judge. Sometimes it writes and sometimes it erases. And the conclusion? They are still here. Here, so that you do not miss a thing. They loved you for who you are and accompany you on your journey. So try not to hurt them. Do not betray them. Always hold them up high.

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