Saturday, February 4, 2012

Marry Me, Mary (No One Else Will)

Marry Me, Marry 1
"Just smile and pretend this series doesn't suck. Maybe they'll believe us."


It's no secret that I really dislike Jang Keun Suk. I've said it plenty of times. I was originally a die-hard fan, after watching "You're Beautiful" and for a few months. When he slowly started turning into a one-man circus act minus the talented performances, I was one of those who defended him and thought it was a phase. Or maybe that he was trying to get in touch with his bimbo side for a role.

Alas, the bimbo side came and stayed, to this very day. "Marry Me, Mary" was the milestone of that change. Or rather, the final nail to the coffin of any respect or admiration I had left for him.

"Great!", you'll say. "You just don't like the guy, but maybe the series is good!". Well, I hate to disappoint you (no I don't), but nah. Watching this show is like drinking gasoline. It tastes like crap and you get sicker the more you drink. Not that I've ever done that, but the few episodes of this series I watched did make me contemplate both suicide and setting myself on fire, just to have something interesting happen.


Marry Me, Marry 2
"Wait! It gets better! I promise! I show skin later on!"


"Marry me, Mary" is about an I-don't-even-remember-what-she-was unemployed girl played by Moon Geun Young and the two guys (one poor, one rich) who fall for this fine specimen of a potentially retarded female. Although that is an insult to people with retardation, so I do apologize.

The... guys are played by Jang "The Diva" Keun Suk and Kim Jae Wook. One is a character created for Jang to promote his wannabe singer career who is a poor, but aspiring musical artist and the other is a rich... someone. He's rich. That seems to be enough in such dramas. His family business could be a laxative empire, but who cares. He's a chaebol.

They all meet, people get drunk, Jang shows off his curls and S-line, there's some singing, an annoying dad and thugs and then I fell asleep. That is actually how I watched the last part of episode 4. I fell asleep. That is as far as I ever got, although I am sure I missed some hilariously bad angst later on.

The second element I mention here seems to sum up what these characters do any time they meet each other. Watch the first 4 episodes, if you can stomach it, and count the times when people are drunk. They really don't seem to be doing anything else. I know they want to show how "modern" and simple these characters are, but a drunk scene stops being entertaining when it's the norm. Plus, I can't exactly root for these poor characters when all they do is wander around spending precious money on booze and hair products.


Marry Me, Marry 3
Youth of the nation. Poor nation...


And then there's the "cuteness". Oh my, that cuteness. Jang's character seems to think he was a cat in his previous life, as all he does is act cute, lick his hands and prance around like a pretty butterfly. Without their usefulness to the ecosystem. This really harms the character who is otherwise quite the serious and couldn't-give-a-damn independent artist. He acts "male" when it's not time to show off and then he complains about his hair conditioner. This is Jang trying to give fanservice and promote his public persona, at the expense of a character and series.


Marry Me, Marry 4
"Don't damage my girlish figure, woman. It might come in handy when my fame fades."


Marry Me, Marry 5
The default pose of Jang's eels (fans). Bending over and blindly accepting anything he gives.


But Moon is the real disappointment here. She seems to think (or have been told) that all she needs to do is pout, open her eyes as widely as possible and act like a mentally handicapped 12-year-old who just had her lollipop taken away. Words cannot describe just how bad and annoying this "performance" is. And her character does not have the understandable excuse of an actual disability.


Marry Me, Marry 6
Just your usual girl-channeling-a-truck-driver acting. It's in every damn drama, after all.


As for Kim Jae Wook, I know he's not the best of actors, but all he did in these 4 episodes was look regal and rich. That (and his god-awful hairstyle) is all I remember about him, which is a shame. He was my only hope for this.

And the things that matter? The acting was horrible, the plot was all over the place, the characters uninspiring and annoying, without the ability to extract any kind of sympathy from the viewer. The production quality was pathetic, even for drama standards, and the music was the finest you can get in any free "Various Artists" CD that comes with newspapers and teen gossip and style magazines.

The good? A couple of locations were nice, so were a couple of clothes. There was a nice cemetery at one point. Where any potential this series had must be buried.

If you value your sanity and the precious time you have in this world, stay away from this jewel of Korean television history. It's not even the so-bad-it's-funny kind.

Rating: Wrist-slittingly Disappointing 2/10

 
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